Adieu

The soft hum of the Solaris V8 servers in the datacenter made me feel as if my cubicle was located next to a freeway. I reclined on the chair and removed the headphones from my ears. The song continued to play in subdued whisper, the floor was quiet as never before. My eyes burned with the want of a good nite sleep but my mind wouldn’t give in. I removed the specs and laid them on the table, rubbing my eyes I pondered over the problem at hand; I had to crack it before dawn.

I got up from my seat and took a walk around to clear my head for starting afresh. The evening seemed gloomy as I walked down the ramp. I sat on the bench, amongst bamboo plantations, staring into the void. The leaves of the Gulmohar trees rustled as soft breeze flew past them onto my face carrying undertones of the unknown to my ears. I tried hard to comprehend but they left me puzzled.

Desires, expectations, goals, accomplishments and achievements vetoed against my soul being at ease. I knew it was one of those sporadic surges that made me hate myself at times; similar to Socrates getting reincarnated in my soul to prove the right as wrong. Some of the wounds that kept on crawling deep beneath the surface, bearing an uncanny sentience to abet the unknown forces in making me feel low, something that confused me, made me believe in the incongruous juxtapositions of love and hate, success and failure, right and wrong, me and myself.

A new beginning ahead, but no signs of where to start? So much to do but so little time, I was trapped and about to break, but I knew that there would be someone to shine light as I walked. I returned to my desk, ‘Linking Park’s Somewhere I belong’ hit my mind.

When this began
I had nothing to say, and I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I'd let it all out to find, that I'm not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
When all the vacancy the words revealed, is the only real thing that I've got left to feel

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didnt fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everwhere only to find, that it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity, cause I cant justify the way everyone is looking at me

Nothing to loose, nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain til its gone
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I want to find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I will never know, myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel, anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything, till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong

It’s the last working day of the year and everyone wished me before departing. In much the same way as I bid adieu to 2006 ……