Self Reflection

It was 9pm, but the light around suggested the time to be just about evening if I were back in India. The last page of my passport got stamped, leaving me wondering of all my travels abroad. Meeting so many different people, making friends, seeing new places and eating different cuisines. Travelling has always fascinated me. But tonight, as I sat sipping Weisbeer in the outside seating of the Black lounge, I felt a string urge to walk; a walk down the memory lane reflecting on what I wanted and where I have reached.

House, car, stable job and marriage. Having achieved the bare minimum necessities or rather satisfying the basic expectations for a boy, the million dollar question in front of me now is …. ‘What next?’As of now I am still searching for the path of glory, the road to success. I am yet to reach the boulevard where the dreams and ambition together start amalgamating into the untrodden highway of your future; mind you, the much awaited and expected & yearned future.

At times I feel to have developed an inferiority complex towards myself. I start feeling inferior when I consider myself superior. Like a singularity decomposing into a virtual duality in accordance with out nature. Surprisingly, it always works in one direction. Call it my nature, but till date i haven’t felt a satisfaction after getting to know of being better than others. But this could also be termed as an egoistic blither who never considers anyone above himself. This could also explain why it hurts when I am not up to the mark that someone else has set. But I have concluded one this. I love myself more than anyone else in this world. And it hits the most when people don’t accept it and try to keep on reminding me of weaknesses. Eventually I desert them. The most important aspect that is missing in my life style is motivation. I don’t feel motivated. Call it effect of financial crunch due to global slowdown or due to lack of inspiring leaders in my vicinity. The pyramid planes converge onto a single point at top. This is an established fact that the density goes on decreasing as you move to higher altitudes. Am I already midway? Have I really been climbing the ladder to ascend? Am I really on an escalator moving at a greater speed than my contemporaries? I guess the time has come to check the altimeter. I looked up, the sky indeed appeared closer!