The Ring
Prologue:
It was my day off from office but the mail bug kept wiggling. I logged in to company LAN for checking my mail box. I responded to few critical requests and then thought of checking my personal mails as it had been a week since I visited yahoo.
Seventy new mails …. Promotion offers, newsletters, icici direct announcements …. I started deleting unwanted mails. Somewhere in the middle, there was a stunner.
“Hi Aakash!
You must be wondering why I resurrected an old mail thread with all those sweet and casual talk. It must be puzzling for you to read mails from that same girl who never returned any of your sms, mails and even turned down your requests to meet for coffee…..
Well… couple of months back, my parents received a matrimonial proposal from your father. So I was wondering if you are still looking for someone appropriate.
Waiting for your reply,
Sheetal”
I was stunned. I was back in Pune after a short visit to Australia and least expected a mail from Sheetal. Memories flooded my already cluttered mind and I drifted in slumber ……
* * *
Chapter 1:
I was at the Cafe Coffee Day table fiddling with my cell phone, occasionally glancing around. I had reached the cafe well ahead of time and minutes seemed to take entire hour to pass. Storm of thoughts was brewing up in my mind and I didn't know whether words would spill out of mouth in front of ...... her.
She paused at the entrance sweeping the entire cafe with her eyes till they found me. She gave one of those there-you-are cute smiles and walked over to the table. She was looking even more beautiful today. She moved through the maze of tables and gracefully slid into chair in front of me. Same selection of soft color Punjabi dress; embroidered at the neck just enough so as not to look loud. She had tied her hair and a plait arched on her forehead. Occasionally it would fall over her right eye which she would elegantly move it behind her ear while continuing to talk or listen. This was the fourth time we were meeting in last two weeks. I knew that sooner or later we would get to the subject which I was trying to avoid as much as possible. Finally she asked......
I told her not to get upset or angry or freak out after listening to my thoughts and ideas. I really wouldn't like to see her in any of those moods. I started......
* * *
Chapter 2:
I used to drive past you by the bus stop every Tuesday and Thursday morning. We had chemistry practicals early in the morning during junior college. Dressed in a sober Punjabi dress or a foliage printed skirt with contrasting top, you always made your presence felt, but did not ignite any special feelings in me. Many a times I felt like asking if I could drop you to college, but was never able to muster up courage for two reasons. Firstly, we never spoke with each other even after being in the same college and tuitions. You were always alone and I was always with my group. It was a double edged sword: approaching a lone girl and that too in front on my entire group. Secondly, I knew your sister through a common friend, but could never breach the discussion about you. There are some friendships where you cannot cross the undrawn line !
Life went on. I completed junior college and took up engineering. I did keep on crossing you once or twice a year at least. My professional life kept me occupied with work mostly out of Pune on deputation to client site. For the first year I was in India and after that my visits abroad increased. You still remained ... somewhere deep rooted in my mind... can say my heart.... camouflaged by shadows of success, failures, achievements and catastrophes both in personal and professional life.
We started off on a pretty nasty note. I was back in India for a short term to get my visa extended. We first met at a common friend's get-together. I expressed my interest in getting to know you better with the intent of settling down in life. The next evening that we spent together at CCD was a disaster. You were freaked out on something or someone and most of the meeting went about with you venting out the anger and frustration on me. Frankly I could not believe what I was experienced. Your views about boys, Indians staying abroad, male chauvinism and institution called as marriage etc. By the time I dropped you home, I knew that the meet hadn't really been the way it was supposed to be. I had an entirely different picture of you in my mind but it seemed that I misread you.
* * *
Chapter 3:
Lot of things happened during next year. Recession in US cost me my job. I was working in a niche domain and the economic slowdown caught the company on wrong foot. I had to make a decision on whether to come back to India or hunt for another job in US itself..... It was a test to check the strength of my financial savings. I survived and faced it without bowing my head or spreading my hands. During that time one thing worked to my advantage. I was able to differentiate between my well-wishers and parasites. The next was the court case against my family by our ex-business partner. I and my family came lived through it too. No doubt such experiences make you tough, but at the same time they make you numb. I became stone cold to my core after enduring the wrath thrown at me. Call it my positive attitude or will to learn from my mistakes.... I always searched for lessons from all these experiences. I might be reiterating this for nth time, but I am an intricate personality. The reason behind becoming complex is not the circumstances through which I have been.... but the way I sailed my boat through these tidal waves understanding the flow and cause of each event.
Then it seemed that things were getting back on track. Good things started happening around me. I got appraised and met a nice girl. We decided to settle down, but destiny had something else in mind for me. When everything is heading your way then it means you are heading the wrong way ! The marriage was called off. Come to think of it now, when I deliberate on how life would have been had I married her; it would have definitely been a catastrophe. You tend to overlook subtle differences when you are in love.... blind love to be precise. But these small differences mess up big time.
I feel things won't work between us......
* * *
Chapter 4:
She hadn't even blinked throughout my rambling session. After a dead pause, which seemed to last for an entire hour, she narrated her side of the story.
The last time we met at CCD, I found you to be of the I-know-it-all attitude. Your talks about onsite visits, work atmosphere, outings to different places did not invoke any special feelings within me. I felt the whole evening was more like a catching up with foreign-return friends. Especially those, who have nothing else to talk except life in US, cars, iPods and vacation in Europe. I did not get any positive vibrations during the time we spent together and hence I resorted to freaking out on some third person so as to cut the evening short. To put it in simple words ... you did not 'click'.
Then I met this wonderful guy. He was also in US. He did not want to work in US; but liked occasional visits there. Originally from Nagpur, he was working in software MNC in Pune. I liked his passionate talks about forts in Maharashtra, trekking groups, dream to scale Himalayas and so on. He shared rented apartment with his friends; one worked in retail marketing and other two with banks. He had a dream of purchasing a duplex 5 BHK plush penthouse. I was attracted due to his aggressive nature.
There was a time when I used to compare you and him. You liked badminton and table tennis while he liked cricket. You were more about how Indians can do better while he was all about what is good about India. I always felt that you cribbed about everything even after being satisfied with what you had. Whereas he was never complacent with his achievements even though he adjusted with surrounding. You played drums and he played guitar. My heart used to skip a beat when he strummed the guitar and hummed a melody.
After a month long courtship, we decided to settle down. And then I saw the other side him. He was stubborn when it came to making compromises. He wanted a register-marriage with very few relatives from either side. I being the eldest daughter in our extended family, a gala wedding was prerogative. He was fine with getting engaged but wanted to delay the marriage by two years as he did not have his own house. Getting promoted was another of his pre-requisite to getting married. I did not know how what made him link his promotion to marriage. He became desperate when he did not get the title he was looking for. Marriage took a back seat and shifting job along with a salary raise became his top priorities. I was always overlooked, given very less attention under the pretext of trying to see things from his point of view. I started feeling uneasy in our relationship. I was taken for granted many times and this hurt me a lot. Suddenly all the night long chats vanished; emails became a monthly luxury….. Some unknown force was tearing us apart.
The final blow came when I tried pushing for the marriage yet again. I told him that it was fine staying together with his friends after marriage till we got a decent property as per his choice, even if it were on rental basis. I was ready to accommodate but his lost his temper. He argued that I did not understand him and his priorities and that I always considered life to be a fairy tale. To the worst of my fears, he asked me to give second thoughts….. to our marriage and to our relationship too.
I could not believe what was happening to me. It took me two months to get over him and accept the fact that I would have to start all over again. That is when I saw a mail from your parents. I read your profile on the matrimony site but somehow his memories did not let me take the next step.
Finally after lot of convincing from my elder sister, I decided to meet you again. I sent you a mail and got to know that you had returned from Australia the night before. Then we met for coffee and I saw a changed person. You came across as a mature and understanding and above all a sweet person. You were a good listener because I remember you were completely engrossed and attentive when I was talking.
Two days were all that it took for me to forget all about my previous heartbreak. Your smile, your arguments, your thought process and ideologies….. I started connecting with each and every action of yours. I am not sure whether it was really you who changed or was it just that I started seeing things through a different context.
I know from the bottom of my heart that you are the person with whom I would like to spend the rest of my life. If you give us some time, you will definitely change your decision. I am saying this with full conviction….. “Our marriage will click!”
* * *
Chapter 5:
You are a very nice person. I learnt a lot about you during these four days... rather ten odd hours that we spent with each other. After travelling to different countries, visiting different clients within India, talking to different people and doing innumerable kaanda-pohe sessions.... I guess I can take the liberty of saying that I have seen the world and have a fair sense of understanding to differentiate the good from bad. I can go on and on if I were to start talking about you. The way you dress, you carry yourself well to get noticed; be it conventional Punjabi dress or contemporary jeans. I am absolutely sure that you will look equally stunning in a sari .... the one that girls drape when they exchange garlands with their better half ..... Your expectations are rational and simple. At times it is this simplicity that others can't digest. Your thoughts, views, ideas ... the way you talk... smile... laugh..... your eyes... lips... hair..... I had deeply fallen in love with you. I knew then that you were the one.... because I loved everything in you. I even loved the way you twitched your face to express ridicule. All of this..... but….. a year back.
Though my feelings are abeyant, circumstances are different today. History is repeating itself. I am able to recognize a pattern here. The events taking place between us and also with me. I am seeing a pattern..... A pattern that will eventually destroy our lives. I got an appraisal again in the company. This has come at the same time when we are deliberating on my decision. It is the same that happened last time. I know that it was difficult for her to accept and come to terms with life when her parents called off our marriage. I don't want you to go through the same pain. There are lots of other channels that you need to think on. I have this intuition that even though things look good as of now.... they have an uncanny tendency to cause havoc later. I would have gambled, played against the odds in case I didn't have these premonitions.
I don't believe in destiny. I believe in making choices ... life is about making choices and your destiny is derived from these choices. I want to see you happy, want to see you smiling. I want you to have the best of everything in the world. This also includes the best life partner. Someone caring, understanding and having a good sense of humor... someone whom you can consider your friend and the love of your life. I have made this choice; a choice to see you happy. A choice to see myself achieve the goals, a choice which both of us will not repent later in life.
I urge you to move on.... just in case I solve this bizarre logic of undeterminable consequences, which falter my run into the void.... I will get in touch with you. Maybe send you a one liner..... Well such things don't happen in real life and hence there is no point in waiting.
It was a wonderful experience talking to you, getting to know you. I felt good that I have the qualities to be adored by girls like you. It is a good feeling which pushes me to do more in life and get the best out of the least that gets offered. Keep smiling.... you look beautiful with it....
* * *
Epilogue:
She whisked her head away and stared into void for a long time. When she looked back I could see her eyes swell with tears. She tried hard to control but one tear slipped out and ran down her cheek. Her eyes pleaded but in vain. She asked me to text her in case I changed my decision and then walked out of the cafe.
I fiddled with the engagement ring in my right hand. The SMS would never be sent.
posted by Amey Bhide @ 9:02 PM
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